Monday, April 8, 2013

The Whirligig

There's a few things I've noticed lately that are small, but really really bug me. It's really starting to mess with my head.

One of the bigger ones is realizing I am incredibly similar to my girls Ex. It prompts ideas like "how are you different from that doush who broke her heart?" And "if you're this similar, why would it work out for you?" These ideas and thoughts have ravaged my mind lately.

Another horrific idea is how long do I have before the love of my life leaves me? A year? Two? A few months? 80 years at the hands of death? It's an idea that just gets really depressing, and leads to thoughts like her cheating or us fighting and leaving... I can't see us do that anytime soon, things are perfect, so why would I have those thoughts? That's another one that's driving me mad.

Where's my life going? How will I feed myself someday? Where will I live? Work? Will I enjoy life? And if not whats the point of living? Why stay around? Will my love life work out as I hope and pray? What's Gods plan for me? A shining example of a Christian, or a fallen example of what can happen if The Commandments and his word are not upheld?

Just a lot of worrying and spinning around in my head, starting over when the cycle ends. I want it to stop. I know it doesn't help anything at all. It just stresses me out and makes me hate my life, hate this wonderful life that I've been provided. I desperately need it to stop it.

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