My Drug

Affection is my drug and she is my dealer.

Immortal Slayer

So, this is a silly idea that I've had before and it pops up from time to time. What if we could kill a god? If say we as humans developed some device that could slay God and Satan indiscriminately, would we use it, and what would it do to our reality? As we have learned from sci fi robot movies, the creation always tries to kill the creator. So why not us at some point?

If somehow we developed a way to kill God and Satan, would everything cease to be if we used it? Or if God died first, would so much hate and sin and evil flood the world that it'd simply be destroyed? Or if Satan died first, would Gods love and peace flood the world and cause people to stop their murder of their creator? Or, would we even be able to use such a device, or would God prevent people from using it? Would such a weapon have to destroy every particle in existence to kill God, as he's in everything?

What would killing these immortal beings do to Heaven and Hell? Would they both just become a nameless fire? Or would they just go dark and cease to be? And what of the souls existing in each? And what of the dead to come, is oblivion their destiny then?

I have no fantasy that at some point we could create such a weapon. A weapon to kill such an immortal. Impossible. But an interesting idea. I like that God lives, however I could do without this Satan fellow. Regardless, some interesting food for thought. Junk food but food all the same. Om nom nom.

What is it I like? What is it I need? What is it I want?

Drivers test

My drivers test is today and I'm pissed. Not because I'll fail, but because of that small chance I'll pass.

Contrast of days

As one woman's wedding bells are ringing, another couples baby has died. New beginnings, and shattered hope. What a contrast this world has given us...

Breakfast rant

You know, I think hash browns are the most bitchin breakfast food. It's a kind of potato that it's totally ok to drown in syrup. I mean you can't do that with French fries at McDonalds, people would look at you like you're insane. But hash browns, totally ok. In fact, it's encouraged. I think it's the only veggie where it's ok to do that as well. It's just an amazing breakfast food.

Another thing about breakfast is you can drink whatever you want. Milk, orange juice, coffee, water- even soda if you're daring. At dinner it's just odd to drink coffee milk or orange juice. Those are breakfast things. But at dinner you almost always have water or soda, at restaurants at least. Never have I been at Red Robbins for dinner and had orange juice or milk. It's just an odd social thing.

Also amazing about breakfast, it's a treat at any other time of day. Breakfast for dinner is a rare delicious treat, again proving breakfast Is the best meal. You rarely have dinner for breakfast, except sometimes leftover pizza. Never have I woken up and eaten a steak. But I've sat down at dinner and had a waffle. And lunch is so insignificant that sometimes you just have a late breakfast, and that breakfast is so amazing that you decide that a lunch would just be a let down, so you don't eat again till dinner.

Breakfast is the best meal, by far.

KSP Again

Orbits. Orbits. I have discovered maneuvers and how to use orbits more efficiently and fuel efficiency in vacuums and this and that and science. Its a big new revolutionary idea in how I can move to different celestial bodies. I also learned a much more efficient way to get into orbit. Rather than go straight up until you're totally in orbit, about a third of the way out of the atmosphere you turn 45 degrees. The air is thin enough that you can keep forward motion, the resistance isn't much. So you can begin to spiral around the planet before you're even off it totally. 12000 meters, the magical number. So, now with these two new ideas and abilities, I can make it to other celestial bodies much easier. The Mun was a 50/50 shot every time I launched, Would I have fuel? Will I be able to turn the ship in time? Will I run out of electricity? But now its simple. Simpler. Its still rocket science. But its simpler. Now to figure out how to use PB-ION engines! So effeciant, but so under powered. Can I add several of them and make it more powerful? I doubt it! But lets find out!

"Aperture science. We do what we must, because we can. For the good of all of us, except the ones who are dead. But theres no sense crying over every mistake. You just keep on trying till you run out of cake! And the science gets done and you make a neat gun for the people who are still alive!" -GLaD0S

Portal music, it helps the science. I am so upset and happy that thats been stuck in my head. Anyways, to the science!

Food. Again.

Food just doesn't taste good anymore. What's with this?

So, how should a person deal with guilt?

Waiting on a friend. I must rethink his timing and scheduling abilities.

I must also say waiting rooms at optometrists, frightening. Clean, cold, scary. Nazis have more love and padding in their concentration camps. Luckily, there's a portal away from this hell. My phone! 

Study choices...

Well, do I do my summer homework that's due in a couple weeks, or do I research and buy a metal stamping kit?

Food

Food just seems disgusting these last few days. I get hungry, however no food sounds good. Everything sounds gross in it's own unique disgusting way. It's just odd. Teenagerdom...

Metal stamps- research failed

Aaack! All I wanted to do today was research hand stamped metal stuff, like how I could do it, costs and assess to materials. But no! I forgot and did dinner homework instead! Gaaaah!

Wonderful Amusement Park Day

Oh my GOODNESS! Another perfect, absolutely perfect day with the most amazing girl in the world. Ugh, why cant every day be this amazing, why can't I live everyday by that girls side!

Learning to Live From The Dead

I came up with a pretty decent idea for a story, im working through it now. After a bit of sleep and some editing tomorrow morning, maybe I'll post the intro to it for you guys. For now, I'm going to get all wet- in the shower, all wet soapy and clean. Then I'll plop into some pillows and poof, it'll be tomorrow.

G'dnight!

Sad Cat Diaries

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=PKffm2uI4dk#at=189

This is just too perfect. I think this is my cats life.

Hip hip hooray to moody teenagerdom!

Meteor Shower- Make a Wish

Hey people! Theres a meteor shower across the globe that is at its peak for the next 3 days. So get outside and make a wish on a shooting star!

Back From Fishing

Hey people! I'm back from the cold grips of the ocean, and I'm full of toast and in my comfy bed. Life is good again. But the last couple days have been rough. Many a time I thought I was going to die, and I'd finally get to see if a sinner like me gets into heaven or not. Alas, I did not get to feel the warmth of the Lords presence, or the heat of lack there of. But even after all the times I genuinely thought I was going to die, it was ok. I am blessed in that sense, that even surrounded by so much danger, The Lord will protect me.

We came out of this trip ok. We caught 22 fish and made a few hundred dollars. So there's that. I don't know if ill finally get a cut or not, but I suppose time will tell.

I always feel so shitty out there. Like I am the lowest of low creatures in existence. Every single time I go out there, I get in this really depressed mood where I tell myself that I am a waste of space, that I am totally useless, that I'm a monster, that I'm bound for hell, that I will never make it in this world, that everything is so wrong because of me- in short I believe that I am, and always will be, worthless. Perhaps its all true. But I believe it with every cell of my body, every fiber of my existence, until I'm back home, then I begin to pick up the pieces and see that most of its not true. I still feel a bit miserable and like a sad little nothing, but Ill get over it. I can persuade myself that not everything I do is a mistake, and that maybe when my someday comes, everything will be ok. That ill be happy in this world, and that ill be doing something worthwhile, something good. I can persuade myself into believing that, be it a lie or the truth I will believe it for now. For now I'll pick my head up and move on, and try not to let anyone see me sad. I might as well not let anyone else get hurt by this sadness. I wont be just one of the sad boys my girlfriend has fallen for, I wont be the depressed kid in the family, I wont be the down kid in the school. Ill get out of this post fishing sadness and I'll be back to my happy self in no time.

Anyways, thats the update on me people. I'll be fine until I'm not. =)

Oh, and the quote of the day was from a man at the docks who had a ton of these little miricles happen that kept him from dying on his boat again and again. "The Lord has saved my life for a reason. I just hope that when that time comes, I wont fuck it up."

Amen brother. Amen.

I'm off to fish again! See you in a few days!

Well...

Well, I had an amazing day with my girlfriend yesterday, but today shes been grounded for some reason... ugh.. well, onward through time we go.

Hell

R.C Sproul, a... Well I'm not sure exactly what to call this great man. A Christian philosopher, speaker perhaps? An incredible teacher is what he is to me at times. But this man puts audio and video lessons up on Ligonier Ministries (an amazing Christian website full of resources, a must visit at the very least) every single day. They are half hour pieces of larger lessons that I believe he's given classes on. Like they're segments from a seminar or a long class or lesson or something he's given. They are incredible. Simply amazing and eye opening every, single, time. It's unbelievable. Nothing else compares to hearing him speak. It's just your mind going *click* over and over, waking up to what you know. I have been listening to him kind of irregularly due to fishing and things in place of a nightly devotion, (because my devotion book still hasn't gotten here) and it's definitely as good or better. Likely better because there's so much more content, so much more everything... I cannot stress how amazing the lessons he teaches are, and how incredible the site is. Everything is totally free. Check it out here at http://www.ligonier.org/

Ok, so, hell. Lately I've been thinking about my sins, and the forgiveness of sins and how far that goes. It's been rattling around in my head for weeks, but recently something happened that did two things simultaneously. One, it blocked out most of those thoughts. I haven't really thought about it the last couple days, haven't cared, my mind has been elsewhere. But the other thing it did was give me a much bigger reason to fear my sins, a new sin, have me repent. I haven't nailed myself to the cross yet, but that might be because I'm in a sort of a daze after what happened. I'll know eventually I suppose. =P I don't want to come down from this cloud 9, because it's so lovely, but also I'm a little afraid I'll hate myself looking back at how I got there, or I'll have regrets... Not worried yet, I'm just so happy right now but... In a sleepy state I do wonder a little how it'll all turn out and how I'll see this weeks from now. Ugh this is just turning into late night babbling. Enjoy the unfiltered and unfinished thoughts coming from my mind.

But, to tie it all together. Tonight's lesson from R.C was about Hell, and how much worse it was than we can imagine and how we arrive at such a place and how we wish it were just a lake of fire. That's all things I like to learn about, how all of it works and is. But I kept applying myself to everything. Because I did this this and this and never changed, and at times had no remorse, no real regret for my sins, where do I stand? I am no saint. I'm not a holy man. I have dedicated a lot if my thoughts simply to silently praying to God, about everything. A sweet little blonde girl once got into an argument with me about being in constant communication with our Lord. It took hold and that seed she planted in my mind has grown. So I'm always doing that now, praying about one thing or another. But again, that doesn't save me.

I suppose I'm just wondering if I'm saved. God is not so forgiving that everyone goes to Heaven. Where do my sins stand? Things I've done day after day, on rare occasion, anytime, how is it weighed? I pray I find some answers while I'm out on the ocean the next few days, through prayer out there or in scripture on my return. Some seclusion from civilization couldn't hurt.

Anyways it's late and in tired and there's no way I'm going to get enough sleep tonight. I don't regret anything I did the other day. And I don't think I will, but I have to wonder what God thinks of it. Goodnight everyone.

Prepped and Ready

Ok, I am prepped and ready to go back out into the ocean again! For two days, I will be out on the ocean fishing for tuna again. We know what we did wrong last time, and we should be able to catch a lot more tuna this time. We need to as well. Today we prepped the boat, and we refueled the boat. We found out our fuel milage (1.5ish gallons per hour, great for boats) as well as our total expenses. We actually made about $200 dollars off this trip, which was much better than we thought. We figured we had lost a few hundred dollars. So thats great. Tomorrow we are heading out again, so hopefully we will catch a bunch of fish. Wish me luck guys!

Last Few Days

Well, let me catch you all up to speed. The last few days I've been out on the ocean fishing for tuna. I've been sleeping, eating, and just living so far out in the ocean that I couldn't see land for 3 days and 2 nights. Night time on the ocean is creepy, you're surrounded by a dark ominous liquid, and you can't see it all. everything fades out into absolute nothingness at a point. Its freaky. But, when it was all said and done, we caught 21 fish. Not what we wanted or needed. That might just cover our expenses, in fact we may have lost a little money. but we learned a great deal of things from this, and we will be better off next time around. =) I should be going back out Saturday or Sunday for another few nights. Hopefully they go much better.

So, as a welcome home, today I got to see my girlfriend. I love that girl so much. Alright, there you go people, you've gotten your fill of mushy "I love my girlfriend" shit. =)

Anyways, life is pretty great. Return to your lives and be jealous.