Monday, September 23, 2013

I've Got a Shit Creek Thing Going On Today

Well today was a shit-tastic day. Overslept to begin with, but made it to class on time. First period didn't let us out on time, in fact, we only heard the bell that started the next period. So I was late to my second period class. In second period, we had to do a research paper. We went to the library to use the computers- and wouldn't you know it all the computers were taken. I had to go use an old computer in a corner somewhere, that was perched on a desk so perfectly placed that no chair would seat you in front of it. So I stood there and dealt with this older slower computer until it gave me some information that seemed to revolved around psychology. Then I found out I looked up the wrong thing. But the class period was over by then. Next period, I just barely make it in on time, and near the end of the period I get my phone taken away. We had finished a test, which I'm unsure of now, and we had been left with nothing to do. So, I was doing research for my second period psychology class on it. Aaaand my phone was taken away. Fuck trying I guess. I got it back at the end of the class, but my super anal and high strung liberal teacher said she would put me in in school suspension if she saw it or heard it ever again. So fuck me. Then onto third, where I had a little pick me up. The cute blonde I call my girlfriend managed to pick me up a little. We joked and chatted and laughed at the fact that she gave me a small black eye yesterday, just below my eyebrow and just barely toughing my eyelid. Its big, but the shadow of my upper eye covers it for the most part. We laughed, until we got our assignment. Then I was suddenly out of ideas or things to think up. So, onto lunch eventually. I had lunch with her in my car, as it was too wet and yucky outside. I gave her a massage, we cuddled, we may or may not have kissed a few times, it was fantastic. Highlight of my day, I don't know what I'd do without her. Then onto AP English, 5th period. I forgot about the SA we had to write, so I lied to the teacher and said it was on Google Docs, to which he said go print it out. I somehow managed to save it and was able to write it in the library after school and turn it in to him with no drawbacks or suspicions that the paper wasn't done when I walked into his class today. Then 6th period, the dreaded pre-calculus. That class just beats me down at my core. It shows me that I am a failure destined to lose everything. It makes me feel like I wont ever get a job, a good house, or ever have a good family. It makes everything good in the world disappear. It invalidates everything in my life. After that hell was over, and I was feeling destroyed and empty, I went to Spanish. There, I was destroyed even further. At one point I was drawing on my wrist with a pencil trying to make the led stick to my skin... But it ended up just getting red and hurt. The scary part was, I kind of liked it. I am trying my best to deny it and not think about it but... Anyways, after experiencing 5 or 6 levels of hell at school, I went home- or tried to at least. I did try and meet up with some theater friends before I went, but it became a wild goose chase that left me feeling hurt. So I went home and drowned my sorrows in ice cream and Oreos- together of course. From there I played Skyrim to calm my nerves, as if it were smoking, and then my evening progressed further into dismay. My Dad came home pissed, angry at the world. The house was a bit messy, which fueled his rage. He was so angry, I didn't want to be around it. I went upstairs eventually, but as soon as I did I was called back down. My Moms van broke down, she drained the battery because she wanted to listen to the radio while watching my sisters practice soccer I guess. Whatever, she knows that kills the battery. So, my Dad had already had a few drinks to calm his nerves (liquid Skyrim, otherwise known as Jack & Coke) so I had to drive to the soccer fields with my dad to try and get the van running again. We eventually got it running, but it took a lot of effort and it exposed some issues with my car. My Dad almost took it away, because it could stop working at any time, but instead we went and fixed it up after we got home. That took some time and effort that I had hoped to spend elsewhere. So, this long frustrating day is coming to an end. My sisters are in bed, they didn't come to say goodnight or that they love me. I likely wont see my parents again tonight, they're downstairs and wont come upstairs unless its necessary, like putting the girls to bed. They were up here then, but they didn't come see me. Another thing to make the hurt hurt a little more. Today was a shit day. I'll wake up tomorrow and hope for better however. Maybe not tomorrow, but someday things will be better. I hold faith in that close to my heart, I just hope that doesn't ever fade... Because I need that hope. I need it. More than I need anything and everything else in this world. Someday, someday things wont be this shit-tastic. Someday...

No comments:

Post a Comment